You know, I just counted up and discovered that I have a huge movie collection. Around 800 movies. Not TV shows, not documentary laden second discs. About 800 theatrically shown movies. If I count a whole disc of shorts as one movie that is, which I am because they were shown theatrically and come up past two hours.
I only counted up the vastness of my collection because of a question that occurred to me. I counted because I was wondering how many I hadn’t seen. So huge is my collection that I have about 200 or so movies that I have never seen. No where as one or two of these are my fault, in that I bought the movie and should really watch it, mostly it’s not. See, if you buy old movies, you’re going to have to get DVD sets in order to get a lot of the movie you want. As a result, you’re going to get a lot of movies you have no interest in. Even if you’re interested in Film Noir, and you get a Film Noir set, there is bound to be one or two movies that just don’t grab you. That doesn’t explain the huge number though, but I do have an explanation.
See, you know those 50 movie sets? The ones where 50 movies are crammed onto 10 discs, thereby giving you an idea of both the movie’s quality and the quality of the transfer into the digital medium? Yeah, those, we’ve got two of them. We’ve got 40 movies from an old magazine subscription, of about the same quality as the 50 movie packs in both movie and transfer. Yeah, there’s a reason the copyrights have lapsed, let me put it that way. Out of those 140 movies alone, I’ve probably only seen 20 of them. Beyond that reason though, I’ve got to be in a very special mood to sit down with a dumb sword and sandal flick. I get in those moods sometimes, but not since we bought those sets. I know I’ll watch them though, oh yes… I will watch them.
So that’s a big chunk right there.
Some of them are movies Syd bought, and we have different views on movies a lot of the time. I’m sorry, but I don’t think Girls Just Want to Have Fun is something I need to sit through. I’ve seen enough of it in passing to know how bad it is. I’m afraid it would make be stupider by being exposed to it. I wouldn’t have to worry about needing to turn off my brain, it would shut down in protest. Syd’s okay, she watched it as a kid so her mind is insulated in a warm fluffy blanket of nostalgia. I’m not so protected. It would rip through my I.Q. like anything even vaguely swift moving going through anything even remotely flammable (or not really) in a Michael Bay movie. My intellect would explode in a massive (and overly large for the materials) explosion that would have people making scoffing sounds because it takes a lot more to make something explode than Michael “More ‘Splosions” Bay thinking it would look cool. My point is, that there is a chunk of movies in our collection that I haven’t watched because teen wizards/dancers don’t appeal to me.
That excuses a lot of the movies that I’ve not watched. Almost all of them really. When you factor the box set orphans, the 50 movie carpet bombs, and the things Syd watches that I think would give me brain cancer, you get rid of a lot of the movies in that 200 or so movies. About 160 I would say, more or less. But that still leaves 40 movies, 40 flicks that I just can’t explain away with anything more than a shrug. And it’s not that I haven’t watched this DVD. If I had to add those in it would go up by at least 4 films because I haven’t watched any of the Alien movies since I got the Quadrilogy set. Things come up, don’t judge me. I haven’t watched one of the versions of Blade Runner either, and I’m thinking I shouldn’t because at this point we’re only encouraging Ridley Scott and he needs to stop! Seriously Ridley, if you’re reading this, just stop it. We get it, you’ve got a lot of versions of this movie running around, but we don’t need to see every damn work print in existence. I haven’t watched the so called director’s cut of American Gangster either, however I know that was just tossed together for gimmick’s sake. It was part of the Universal Gangster set though, and the theatrical cut was pretty good so I let it go. I know Universal did it just to try and be cute. The Kingdom of Heaven Director’s Cut is worth the effort though and makes the movie a hell of a lot better.
Anyway, where was I?
Oh yeah, so I’ve got around 40 movies that I bought, meant to watch and just haven’t watched yet. And yet, I can’t bear to part with them. Partly it’s just me being a greedy little monkey, wanting all the movies in the world, partly I still believe that some day I’ll get my mojo back and watch those movies, writing a short but effective retroflix review for each and every one. Either that or it’ll just be like all those books we all mean to read. You’ve got Remembrances of Things Past sitting on your shelf, I’ve got Each Dawn I Die and The Val Lewton Collection patiently waiting for my attention.
On the other hand, I’ve watched a few thousand movies that I don’t own on DVD, so that might even the odds up a bit. Probably doesn’t count, what with most those movies being not worth mentioning. I watched a lot of crap back in the day. A lot of good stuff too I guess. Back in those days, movies were just consumed on merit of availability rather than any other factors. Home Video changed a lot of things.